


Monster

by Histoireettralala (UselessGoats)



Category: Alternate Universe - Fandom, Historical RPF, Modern AU - Fandom, Napoleonic Era RPF
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Horses, Trifecta AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:08:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24882835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UselessGoats/pseuds/Histoireettralala
Summary: Joachim Murat buys a new horse--an ugly, grumpy, intimidating beast to which Caroline takes an immediate dislike (and which Lannes becomes determined to ride if it kills him).
Relationships: Caroline Bonaparte/Joachim Murat
Kudos: 6





	Monster

When Joachim told her one morning that he was going to buy a horse, Caroline wasn’t surprised. He’d been meditative and quiet the last four days, throwing longing looks at the stables and the grazing horses. This was just the way he usually behaved when pining for a new horse.

So she had kissed his cheek and off he’d been gone.

  
And now, staring at the horse, she wondered how everything could have gone _so wrong_.

The horse was, to put it mildly… unsightly. 

It was a huge and menacing black form, with a head like a lump of rock and teeth like tombstones, and it was staring back at her.

But when Joachim turned to her with his beaming smile, asking: “Isn’t he wonderful ?”, Caroline didn’t have the heart to tell him his precious new friend looked like it belonged with garbage. 

***  
Caroline could have made her peace with the horse being ugly.

Despite popular opinion, Joachim wasn’t stuck on looks, for animals in any case. How many times had she seen him fall all over himself to rescue a mangy alley cat or sorry three legged dog… wounded bird… stinking weasel… Name it, he’d fall for it. 

No, to be honest, _Caroline_ was more likely to judge on looks. And she enjoyed the sight of her beautiful husband on a beautiful horse, and basked in the appreciative looks and sighs of envy the lovely vision always drew.

But if the horse was ugly, he was twice as mean.

Nobody could approach him, let alone touch him.

He hated _everything and everyone_. Feeding him was hazardous. Petting him was for the brave and suicidal. Nevermind riding him.

But Joachim was determined.

After an epic first ride that had Joachim look like he’d been dragged through several hedges, and through a considerable amount of mud, with a shiner and a split lip, Caroline hoped he’d come to his senses. But the silly man was more smitten than ever and the horse snorted indignantly in her direction.

And indeed, if he hated the whole world, Joachim was his only exception.

The beast even took to putting his huge body between Joachim and whoever approached him, shielding his Rider from the enemy.

Everything was the enemy. Especially Caroline.

Clearly the monstrous animal was gearing up for war. He always stared at her in that uncanny way of his, projecting threats with his every move.

And Joachim coed over him as he would have over a helpless kitten, petting him, talking nonsense. And the beast was throwing her smug looks, Caroline realized.

The damned horse now took almost all of his free time and Caroline found one more reason to hate him.

***  
Joachim was happy.

He knew his new purchase hadn’t convinced.. well, anyone, but he would give them time to come to their senses.

That horse was awesome. Perfect. Wonderful. Spirited, combative, brave, powerful and fast - oh God, so fast, Joachim hadn’t had such a blast on a horse since… Oh, he had _never_ had so much fun with a horse, ever.

He was back from a ride, whistling happily, with an armful of wild flowers for Caroline (she always scoffed at this, but when he didn’t come with flowers she couldn’t quite hide her disappointment), and smiled when he heard her voice.

“… And he’s always gone, now, riding, riding, there’s nothing but the Monster, and you know I get it and it’s fine, but the Monster..”

Joachim stopped short, his face falling.

Monster ?

That damn fine animal with so much heart ?

 **Monster** ??

Joachim almost stomped back to the stables. But he remembered hearing Napoleon calling him a village rooster or King Franconi, and, with a sniff, shook his curls backwards, set his shoulders straight, and strode into the room with an easy smile.

He was _not_ going to let a nickname ruin his life. Or style.

***  
“Where is my big precious Monster ?” Joachim shouted when the family neared the stables; an impatient stamping and neighing answered him, while Caroline faltered on the alley, drawing curious looks from the children.

Oh no, he’d heard her.

Joachim could be so protective, Caroline fretted, wrapping himself around the object of his cause, whether it be a snarling, spitting cat or a crying kid. 

Caroline knew first hand the intensity of that devotion.

 _He’d heard her_.

“Oh it’s you, my lovely, ” he was saying, petting the horse, his voice warm and steady, “ my sweet Monster.”

There was no sourness to his tone.

The children were looking at the horse, amazed. It was perhaps the biggest they had ever seen. Little Louise was reaching a small hand toward a powerful leg, and Joachim gently caught it and picked her up, kissing her cheek. “See, my little love, our Monster here is just like you or me, he doesn’t like to be surprised or touched by someone he can’t see or doesn’t know, so I’m going to introduce you, alright ?”

The little one nodded and Joachim introduced Monster to the children.

Caroline watched the big brute tolerate her children’s enthusiastic and clumsy petting with a single twitch, promptly eased by Joachim’s careful attention.

(Maybe she’d judged him a little too fast, she thought.)

((It didn’t hurt being cautious))

****  
“It’s alright,” Joachim quietly reassured her on their way back home.

She silently looked up at him. And he beamed.

“It’s an awesome name! He IS the most fearsome and terrible mount ever known to man, and it’s only fair his name should strike fear and respect among all creatures!”

He took her hand in his and squeezed it gently, then he bent to kiss her cheek, wrapping his arm around her.

“It’s fine, my love,” he said.

Caroline threw her own arms around him, hugging him tight.

***  
“… And so I wondered when I could come ?” Lannes’ voice echoed through the room.

\- Anytime,“ Caroline answered easily. "Although you might want to avoid the stables.”

Lannes had never been one to NOT jump both feet into trouble.

“Why is that ?”

Caroline stifled a laugh.

“Joachim bought Satan’s horse, that’s why.

\- Now I have GOT to see that.”

***  
“Damn,” Lannes whistled, half horrified, half admirative. “That’s… quite an animal.”

“Right ?” Joachim was beaming, atop the strangest, ugliest horse Lannes had ever met. He could swear the beast was seizing him up and finding him wanting.  
This tickled his pride.

He was no Murat or Lasalle, but Jean Lannes was a damn fine horseman if he said so himself (he did, thank you very much.)

“ _Finally_ someone who understands! I know he doesn’t look so pretty, but after all, Napoleon can’t dress, does that stop him from taking over the world ? No Sir! Monster here is the real deal, not for the faint of heart!”

Monster, Lannes mused, eyeing the animal who eyed him back warily.

Monster, Monster, he thought, watching man and rider storm around the park, fleeing into the wood as if Satan himself was chasing them.

 _Monster, Monster, Monster_ …

He HAD to ride that horse.

***  
“I told you, ” said Caroline, passing him the bag of frozen peas.

“Owww,” Lannes answered miserably.

She tutted and shook her head, and Lannes barely refrained to tell her how much she looked like Mme Campan when she did that. He was already down after all.

“That horse _hates_ me,” he whined.

She wasn’t moved.

“He hates everything, Jean, don’t feel too special.

\- Ow. Even you ?”

She burst out laughing.

“Oh, _especially_ me. ”

Murat entered the room, Lucien on his back and the girls holding his hands from each side.

“Uncle Lannes fell, ” young Lucien giggled, “it was so funny!

\- No it wasn’t,” Letitia said, throwing Lannes an alarmed look. “Uncle Jean could have been really hurt ! Are you okay, Uncle Jean ?

\- Oh,” said Lucien, his laughter abating when he noticed his uncle’s wince.“ Was Monster too big for you ?”

The innocent question needled Lannes and he instinctively straightened.

“Not at all, ” he heard himself say. “ I will do it again!”

***  
He did it again.

So did Monster.

***  
“ _Really”_ , Larrey rebuked him while taking a close look to his aching, swollen leg, “ You should know better.”

Acknowledge defeat ? _**Never.**_

***  
It happened again.

And _again_.

***  
Monster was flying like the wind.

He was the strongest, fastest horse, and his Rider was the strongest, fastest Rider. The only one who deserved to fly with him. The only one who _got_ him.

Monster pranced and danced and ran.

His Rider’s warm laughter and warlike yells went well with him.

Monster was _having fun_.

***  
Lannes tried his luck again.

It happened again.

***  
Monster was careful.

This time, his Rider had come to him with the small beings he had introduced to him. Just like Her, those small humans were important to the Rider, Monster knew. He shouldn’t crush them. He bent his head to let a little hand pet his nose, and whiffled, and black curls flew while a giggle rose in the air. “It tickles, Papa!”

They smelled like Him.

Monster let his Rider put one of the small ones on his back, and stoically endured the little hands pawing at him. It didn’t feel right with such a small weight on his back. But the hands he knew were still here, on his neck, on his flank, the voice he trusted was always present, steady and warm. His Rider wasn’t forsaking him.

Monster would tolerate the small ones.

As long as it was clear he had Only One Rider.

***  
“I don’t understand,” Louise said, “What is your fascination with that horse ? We have several of our own, and none so mean. Do you _like_ getting thrown off ?!!?

\- I don’t know, ” Lannes grumbled. 

“You are _mad_ ,” Larrey snapped. “ There’s nothing I can do about this.

\- I can’t help it,” Lannes whispered.

He just HAD TO ride that horse. Just _**once**_. 

They made quite a fearsome pair, Murat and Monster, a dramatic black blur fit for some epic tale, and Lannes just wanted to be part of it.

“I _know_ ,” Murat said, patting his shoulder.“ But it has to be his choice.”

 _I want it so much_ , Lannes didn’t say.

***  
Monster threw him off again.

Murat tended to him without a word.

“Why don’t you just tell him to stop ?” Caroline had asked him around the fourth Dumping.

But Murat knew it was useless. He understood Monster’s lure better than anyone. And he knew Lannes quite well too. They were just as pig headed as each other. None of them would ever yield.

“Holy shit”, shouted Lannes, “ what a dumping that one was !”

It had been _something_ , Murat mused. Thankfully the children hadn’t seen that one.

“Had enough ?” He lightly asked.

Lannes hesitated.

“To be honest…”

Murat leaned toward his friend.

“… No.”

They both burst out laughing.

***  
Letitia was very proud of her ability to ride Monster - and she didn’t understand why they called him Monster (it wasn’t very nice, and he was a very nice horse, she thought). 

Of course she couldn’t ride him alone, and she wouldn’t dare anyway, not without Papa, but there was no hiding the fact that she was very, very proud to be sitting atop Monster.

Monster didn’t like ANYONE except Papa (not even Mama!) and maybe, them, sometimes, if they were good and obeyed Papa.

Letitia wanted to be a good rider, so she complied and enjoyed her slow, gentle rides on the big horse.

Spotting Uncle Jean, she smiled and waved. Uncle Jean waved back, and the little girl didn’t quite identify the emotions shining in his eyes (Uncle Jean had very expressive eyes, she had heard, and it was true, but that didn’t mean she knew what she just saw).

***  
Lannes had been very good.

He really had.

He had not touched Monster for weeks, nearly _three whole months_. He had come almost weekly to Joachim’s house, each time taking time to visit the horse - well, stare at him and talk to him. At him. Whatever.

He had tried hard to build a bond.

The horse seemed to tolerate him now, at least that’s what Joachim told him with a smile. 

Lannes had been patient.

The day Monster allowed him to pet his nose almost had him crying.

He’d never had to work so hard for a horse’s grudging approval.

***  
It was the beginning of summer and Joachim and Caroline were celebrating the completion of their new pool with a giant party. There were balloons everywhere, kids running after each other, dogs running after kids, music and wine were flowing, and Napoleon himself was smiling as little Lucien was telling him how he’d vanquished the Ghastly Ghoul In The Attic.

A triumphant yell rose and the thumping of hooves drew everybody’s attention.

A big, ugly black horse appeared on the lawn, stopping them all in their tracks.

Caroline gaped at the sight.

Jean Lannes was riding Monster, a savage joy lighting up his face, his fist clenched in the air as he passed by Murat.

“Best horse ever!!” he exclaimed, breathless with exhilaration. “ This is the best a _aaaahhhhh_ …”

Monster suddenly reared up and stamped down hard, and to the sound of Napoleon and Larrey’ synchronized sighs, Lannes’ yell turned into a yelp of surprise. Amazingly, Lannes held on, but Monster reared up again and Murat, running toward them, watched his brave, suicidal friend take a proper maiden flight into the pond.

There was a moment of stunned silence and then all hell broke loose.

As he fished his friend out of the pond, Murat saw Monster gently trot toward his grazing.

Lannes, drenched to the bone, a water lily on his head and mud decorating his clothes, was looking at the horse with dreamy eyes, even as he was limping and rubbing the small of his back.

“It was **AWESOME** ”, he croaked. “ Did you see ?”

Their eyes met and they couldn’t hold back a snicker.

Larrey was tapping his foot.

His exasperated face almost set them off again.

Napoleon, raking his hand over his face, told Murat he’d sent Lasalle take care of the damnable horse, and can you please, my dear Lannes, desist from _such useless endeavours_?

Murat handed his friend over to a furious Larrey, and backed off, getting ready to go to the house to get clean clothes and towels.

Lannes’ eyes met his over Larrey’s shoulder.

 _This was not the end_.

***THE END... (except in Lannes' opinion)***


End file.
